Beginning of the end

Sorry for this extremely emotional post, but honestly; I got to get things of my chest and that’s what this site is about. I think I promised some sort of sarcastic and humourous content like eight years ago; but right now - it’s about fucking survival and the content will be emotional rather than sarcastic. So listen up:

Here we are, my dear or friend. You and I, drunk again. Laughs have been had and tears have been shed, and maybe the whisky’s gone to my head.

Other than the obvious theft of the above lyrics, the night have been pretty much in the same vein as the text above; but without the homoeroticism.

As usual when I’m writing here, I’m a bit drunk and have gotten closer to yet another epiphany of life; holy fuck there’s nothing more to it than suffering.

The last few weeks have been hell. I’ve been contemplating suicide more often than not, and I’ve realized noone actually depends on me, I’ve managed to get a crush on a collegue (who’s unavailable), and I’ve come to the realization that I’m probably never gonna feel happiness. The last one stings a bit to be honest…

There’s got to be something wrong with a human being that contemplates suicide at least once every day, and who’ve pretty much given up on feeling something other than melancholy at best. I’ve just recently increased my dosage of my anti-depressants to the maximum levels to try fight my recent suicidal thoughts, and since (of course), further suicidal thoughts are one of the side-effects of the drug, I’m being a bit cautious about the current state of things; but if anything - it’s making me a bit more numb about things than normal.

I’m currently contemplating writing a pretty sarcastic thank-you letter to my ex; in order to get rid of the thoughts surrounding the breakup and to (hopefully) give me some peace of mind - but at the moment I’m to busy feeling sorry for myself in general - and looking for ways to end the suffering without any messy ways out of it to write it - but it’s coming; sooner or later - I promise.