Thank You

I wrote this sometime in August, and not today; but I’ve had this in my phone notebook for quite some time now - and I keep looping back to posting it. So, here it is; take it for what it is. I’ve honestly not proofread it since I wrote it, so please excuse any spelling errors.

I’ve debated with myself for quite some time whether or not I should write this post, but since I’m still thinking about it almost six months later, I guess my subconscious wants me to do it. If you look up tips and ideas for getting over someone, one advice is to write them a letter, an email, a text; telling them what’s on your mind but without sending it. While I feel like I’m over the person, I’m still not really over the relationship, or at least the thought of a relationship. And also; I never really said everything that was on my mind at the moment of the breakup, and therefore this letter might be a bit on the bitter side of things. So here goes;

Thank you!

Thanks for always telling me “I’m glad I found you, because I really hate dating” and making me feel like a last resort and that you were settling. That really improved my confidence and made me feel wanted and loved!

Thank you, for always telling me you loved how masculine I looked and acted, and that you would find anything else a turn off; that really made me willing to share my emotions and insecurities with you!

Thank you for only taking your ADHD-medication for work! And of course in preparation for breaking up so it could be done professionally. While I do get wanting to be level-headed and focused, I think that was the only time we ever talked with you still on the meds and not having to deal with the aftermath of them. I particularly enjoyed the last walk and lunch we had together like an hour before you broke up, you know; very similar to the way you let your pet have everything they want just before putting them down. Holy crap, that was cold!

Thank you for telling me you still loved me during the actual breakup. That totally didn’t mess with my head or emotions at all.

Thank you for forgetting about the last box of my things that’s apparently still somewhere in your apartment and that I’ve offered to pick up multiple times, but still waiting on you to give me a suitable time.

Thank you for wanting to keep the apartment, making me stressed out of my mind for six months while I had no home but had to live with friends (great friends though!) and living out of a bag; just for you to decide you didn’t want the apartment as soon as I found a more long term solution. That felt top notch, really!

It’s a bit one-sided but those are the things I’ve thought of, and felt a bit bitter about. Hopefully this airing will let me be more at ease with things. And as I said before, even though I feel I’m over her, I’m not really over the relationship in general as I miss the sense of togetherness and friendship. And hugs. There are some things friends aren’t enough for unfortunately.

Ohh, an addendum as well which I’ve always regretted not putting into this text earlier:

Thank you for laughing at my insecurities when I got into my own head and got really self-conscious one time. Sure, you acted the way you were supposed to at the time, but brought it up later laughing at me. That really made me feel connected and supported!

Fuck you.