The forbidden topic
This is a sensitive topic, so be warned that I might advocate some unorthodox opinions later on in the text.
In average; 1,3% of the total amount of deaths in Europe are suicides (or rather, 'Intentional Self-Harm'). That doesn't really sound like much, but it amounts up to an average of 132740 people each year.1
Two weeks ago, me and some friends were planning on just watching TV and have some small talk, like we do every once in a while to prep ourselves for another week at the grinder. One of my friends called me and asked if I could come by a little earlier than we had planned, since he needed to talk. Now, this isn't very uncommon - I know he suffers from depression as well, and we've talked about it a lot. I found that out 1,5 years ago during a party when I was as low as low could be and I really couldn't keep my problems to myself any longer. I just blurted out that I was depressed and on anti-depressants during a walk, and I have never seen a more pure look of relief than what I saw in his face that moment. He told his story, and we shared our experiences and realised that we had pretty much the same outlook on things and had very similar symptoms.
Now, this was a relief for me too, and since that day, we've talked on more than one occasion about our problems with each other. If I can give one solid advice to someone who's depressed: find another equally depressed person to talk with, it really helps knowing that you're not alone in this (and yeah; I know that you "know" this already, but seriously - when you actually can share experiences with someone thats NOT getting paid to listen to you; thats when you know it).
Anyway... During some of our talks we've touched the subject of suicide, and actually shared plans. When you think about it, thats rather f***ed up. I pretty much know his plans of how he wants to commit suicide, and he knows mine. One of his plans involves making sure it looks like an accident, to not disgrace his family and somehow make them think it's their fault. So naturally, I got kind of worried when he started taking skydiving lessons - but I didn't act on it. I could have called him up and told him to give me a call before he did something irreversible, or just kept checking in on him every once in a while to make sure he knew I was on high alert.
But I didn't do anything of that. I remember that I sent a SMS the day he was supposed to make his first solo jump, and I didn't get a response. Then I thought he'd actually committed suicide, but apparentely skydiving is way too much fun to spoil by trying to create your own personal crater. And the topic didn't come up during our (less frequent) talks, so I figured the danger was gone.
Back to the event two weeks ago
We were talking about life and such trivial things when the suicide-topic came up again, and he revealed that the only reason he wanted to take skydiving lessons were to commit suicide, and that he'd never planned on be alive right now. So of course, I cracked a joke about setting a new deadline in two years (I use humor to shield myself from unpleasant things).
But here's my point: if someone really wants to commit suicide, isn't that entirely up to that person? The reason I have this opinion is because I've had a loaded gun in my hand and I was ready to pull the trigger to end my life. The only reason I didn't do it was because I couldn't predict the trajectory of the bullet if it passed through my head, and it might hurt someone else in the same barrack as I was sitting in. (In hindsight, that was probably the logical excuse my brain made up for NOT wanting to die, but at that moment I managed to convince myself that it was only a practical issue). I think I sat on my bedside staring at the gun for at least 10-20 minutes before finally unloading it.
Rationale
The reason I'm telling you this is to make sure you know why I think that suicide is up to the person commiting it, and not about anyone else. If all your affairs are in order (money for funeral, last will is written and such), why shouldn't you be allowed to go through with it? Yeah, losing a loved one is painful - but you probably have other loved ones to turn to for support. The one who commits suicide obviously thinks this is the best approach, and it might even be so. I tried to google for reasons why you shouldn't commit suicide, but all I found was emotional arguments and even some "suicide-shaming"2. Pretty much all arguments focus on your relatives and friends, and that there are people who cares for you. Here's the kicker though; I already know that, but that argument won't bite. If I kill myself, I want to die for a reason and I've obviously already taken the amount of pain it might cause to the people around me into account when I made my decision. Isn't it selfish to demand that someone who feels like shit, and might have been doing that for a really long time, should continue to feel like shit? When you've tried everything, but nothing seems to help - it might just be a solution. After all, we have no idea what happens when we die.
Disclaimer
No, I'm not suicidal anymore thanks to some medications, a caring doctor (who actually gave me her personal cellphone number to call if I ever needed to) and a really observant and caring psychologist. So don't worry about me, I've got a couple of years until I hit my deadline. I don't wish to die (but I'm not keen on living either) - to quote a famous song.
Update: Forgot to tell you that WHO is releasing a report on suicide prevention and some suicide statistics in September, and I plan to write something about it here when it's out. So keep an eye out for that post!
[1] - Based on data from WHO:s European Detailed Mortality Database (DMDB), measured from 1990-2012
[2] - No offense to the author, I'm sure there's a reason behind that text. And I don't wish for people to kill themselves, but I can understand why they want to do it.